I currently live in a happy relationship with a young soon-to-be scientist. Since we are both aware of my mental state, we know there are a lot of challenges we have to face. It is not always easy, but in the end, it is all worth it.
I honestly couldn’t be happier. He is the one who actually stabilizes me throughout my life. There is a certain support he gives me with every step we take together. We both know what we’ve signed up for, that’s why we work on our relationship day by day.
As I wrote those following lines, I won’t deny, I cried a little. It’s always hard for me to talk about my feelings, especially if they involve a loved one. But without further ado, here are five important things, I’ve learned throughout my relationship.
BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS
As I was younger, I often hid my feelings behind fake smiles. Well, people often bought that fake façade I put so desperately upon myself. But when you find yourself in a relationship, this isn’t always that easy. Especially if your partner knows exactly, how it looks like when you are truly happy.
We still have to work on this, but Ipersonally made a huge step forward, opening up to him like I never did to anybody else. After all, we do live under the same roof, as a result, I have to share my emotions.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
I avoid conflict. It is something I really dislike, if not even hate. This hatred I got for confrontations originated from criticism. It is something that really scares me to my bones. As a kid, I was a perfectionist. I wanted to be great at everything. I sought the attention of other people, so they saw that I could achieve anything I truly wanted.
WELL, PERFECTIONISM DESTROYED ME.
Every time someone criticized me, (even if it was constructive criticism) I started to cry and doubt myself. I was probably the one person, who was the hardest to myself. I put myself down for the most ridiculous reasons possible.
“YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. NOBODY WILL EVER LIKE YOU. YOU’RE A DISGRACE.”
But in a relationship, in a well functioning one at that, proper communication to avoid misunderstandings is crucial. Hence, there is the possibility of a slight argument. But to be honest, it manages to make me cry every single time.
The thing is, that I know a healthy relationship is about communicating on an open basis. Being truthful about your feelings, your wishes, and your desires.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have room for improvement if it comes to that, but I know that I made abig leap forward. And after those conversations, we are both satisfied enough to get back to work on those improvements.
STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF
Since I am not a big fan of conflict, I often swallow things which bother me. I used to bend myself in a way that was uncomfortable, just sothat others were happy with me. I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.
My partner actually showed me – many times already – that he loves me for the person I am, not the person I should be.
We both are aware that my mental state isn’t the best. But I try the hardest to manage every challenge that faces our partnership. He is the one, I just know it. I know that he completes me as a human being. I dare you to find someone like this! It will increase the stability of your mental state, I promise you that!
DO YOU LOVE COFFEE?
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LOVE ISN’T BLACK AND WHITE
Oh boy, how often I have run head first into that one. Every time we have had the slightest disagreement I lost it, being all like: “I think he doesn’t love me anymore. He will leave me.”
Yes, I am one of those chicks. Ridiculously scared of him leaving me for the tiniest reason possible. You see, I’ve never been loved by anyone else like this before, this is why I get extremely anxious if I bring up something I am not comfortable with, or when we disagree on something.
“LOVE ISN’T BLACK AND WHITE. WE’LL GET THROUGH THAT, NO MATTER WHAT.”
He assured me many times, that he won’t leave me. And I trust him, I honestly do. But something inside me dies a little if I disappoint him in any way. It’s just that I haven’t experienced all those feelings I share with him with anyone else before. It is hard for me to grasp all of this, but as mentioned already, I try my best, and I made quite a big leap forwardwith my emotional intelligence.
I had to learn to put my perfectionism aside. I cannot be perfect in everything for the sake of my mental health, and for the sake of our relationship.
The things you read above are mostly occurring when I have an episode of MDD. Trust me, I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I learn so much just by being with him.
I cried a lot throughout our journey, but I’ve learned from those tears. Oh! And don’t get me wrong, some of those tears were just me, looking at him, not believing that I actually found someone who truly loves me the way I am. Yes, I look at my man and cry for no reason.
HE IS SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULD’VE EVER WISHED FOR. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I LOVE YOU.
I also hope you all could see what a healthy relationship can help you with.
Thanks for reading!